Three-Two

according to gilbert's speech on synthetic happiness (which I re-watched),

    it doesn't matter if i think il enjoy something or not
    i will end up being just as happy at that job after a while       
        and esp if i didnt really have a dif choice to go back to

            which is kind of what people are thinking about
            we are afraid to choose because we don't know what it is like                   
                   but really it doesnt matter



- there is a kind of comfort that comes with that now that i look at this again on the 26th -

I'm going through a time of great growth. I'm looking to challenge my assumptions.

I have an idea of myself--of who I am... I want to unlearn what I have come to believe. This seems insurmountable and I am certain I'll never be able to.

That said, trying and failing is better than never having tried. I will have moved forward rather than stood still. That is my hope at least.

May you walk in beauty...

I literally spent more than 6 hours yesterday writing an outline for a chapter in the History book for my AP Euro class. I still have like two sections of the outline to complete and I feel like I need to revise it. I'm very unsure of myself with these assignments.

I think that el-jay should have a separate list instead of interests. It would be music and you could lists bands and/or songs since they'd take up too many "interests".

Oh, today I was playing mind games...Particularly the ones at Lumosity (check it out). I improved dramatically apparently.

He was talking to some kid from 1st session when I walked in and pointed at me and was like "This kid, I swear, he could write the craziest things, he's going to make it big someday, and he's going to have to sign a card with an autograph on it for me, and send to one of his book signings someday"

It was all jokingly I thought. But he called me up later reviewing stuff and he was like..."I wasn't kidding earlier, I do think you are going to make it big someday." I laughed and went "Ha! But I have no work ethic" and he was like "Maybe not, but you do have passion for the things you love and I really honestly think that it is going to get you farther than most in this world"

I was looking outside the window yesterday.
I rarely get to see the sky when the stars are out so I enjoy it when I do.

Makes me want to sleep under the stars...wanna go camping?

The weather has improved dramatically.
Sunny days ahead...feel like summer yet?

I have to kick my own ass to wear a skirt soon since I don't wear them to school.

I am just in an incredible mood right now.

Joyful





But dude, that wedding dance video. That was awesome!

EDIT: I'm taking Chemistry and Anatomy & Physiology as well as AP Euro History and AP English Comp.


Lately, I’ve been thinking about humankind in general.

Problems: The “poisons” in our food, the big corporations, the need for a change in the system.

I’m sure this is far too vague for someone stumbling upon it but a million thoughts come to mind when I see these words.

You know, I found out that my little brothers not alone broke this gigantic mirror we have in our living room but [today I found out] they also broke the garage door’s window and a lamp. The garage door isn’t such a big deal because it doesn’t work anyway and the lamp…we have plenty and I don’t know which one it was. :] [My parents should have told me earlier, it is too late for me now. I prefer action to be taken as soon as possible. It works better.]

This mirror, we didn’t pay for—it came with the house when we moved in but…it is a bit of a shame. I mean it is like 6 feet wide and cracked about 5 feet now. They hit it with a hard baseball, accidentally last night when I wasn’t around (my mother was) because if I was…well whenever they play ball I let them enjoy themselves you know? But I always stop it before it gets out of hand. I can just sense when something is going to break if they continue. Of course, they listen to me.

So, I’ve told them they aren’t allowed to play ball in the house anymore. Mendim thinks that he has 14 years of bad luck and I’m not superstitious but I let him think that since I probably can’t change his mind and I wanted him to feel a lil’ guilty so he wouldn’t do it again. [I feel like the latter was a lil' bad but Kevin says it is important for them to learn a lesson and that is probably my reasoing as well.]

I didn’t punish them because it was an accident. One of them threw the ball too high to catch and it being heavy hit the mirror and…wow.

Heh, one, two, three. You'rrrree OUT!

Purge. Procrastination. Purge. Hatred. Fear. Purge. Procrastination.

Deleting things. Avoiding Fascism Speech.

You ever just want to throw everything away? There is also that voice telling you not to because some of it still has meaning/importance. I think I’m avoiding the speech because I’m afraid I don’t know how to summarize it and answer the questions he wants me to in it. Somehow, though, I know that I can do great on it but not at this rate…

These last few days the internet has been working like a piece of crap. If I do fix it, it lasts for about ten minutes and then it disappears again and I can’t get it back until I try again later. Quite annoying, you can’t do much in that amount of time. Speaking of which, I have re-realized that I am addicted to the internet. Stupid things, like checking my e-mail. It is mostly word of the day type things but they pile up you know? And I get many of them in one day. Maybe I should unsubscribe to them all. I also want to delete one of the two because it sucks (username, bulk mail) but I need it to filter out the spam and because my employer emails me through that one…

I found some old files…on another (operating) system on Diti’s computer but I deleted most of them and I’m going to give Kevin two of them. I found some music as well which I’m gonna transfer to this computer (just a few).

I think I’ve been having more negative thinking (self-directed) lately. It is like a mini-crisis but it will probably end after I get the speech over with and that other project which I’m not even thinking about right now. Oh crap, that reminds me I have a quiz when we come back (on that book I read). Not a terrible book at all, I’ve read worse. Which is why I’m going to return the other one to the library. I mean, I know when I flipped open to that page (mid-end) I liked the line I read but I can’t get passed the first few pages (to 100) so I’m thinking of giving it up. I hate to do it but sometimes, some books just drag on too much for my taste…its like when is this going to get interesting.

Hatred. (Self) Fear. (Everything)

 

SUCH a negative entry, but that is what I journal about.

The icky stuff.

 

PS; [Good news,] I got contacts, and a pair of glasses.

 

Happy New Years!

 

The other day (yesterday) I got a haircut and I didn't cry. :D I even told her to go shorter. Um, a big deal was made about how much I tipped her (I warned Kevin that I'm a big tipper.)

I got off work (babysitting) early today because I put her to sleep (nap) and I might get new glasses later or babysit tonight.

Yesterday, was sweet because I hung out with Kevin. I could write about it but...

Comment and I'll give you a letter; then you have to list 10 things you love that begin with that letter. After that, post this in your journal, and give out some letters of your own.

Peter50 gave me the letter "P"

Penis? (That was an obvious one....But only one out of the current population--Kevin's ;)

Paradise (Who doesn't? Bliss, idealism...)

Passport (It techinally saved my life, new expierences, culutres, langues. It opens many doors of possilbity.)

Pastry (I'm a recovering sugar addict.)

Peace (Tranquility, stability, calmness...no stress/anxiety or fighting...I want that right now--I have an essay to write tonight. Peace: No inner or outer conflict.)

Peach (Yummy, juicy, fresh fruit & a fun term of endearment, right peaches?) (Peanuts, pears, sweet peas, pineapple, pizza, plum, pomegranate, popcorn, pumpkin pie--pastry)

Pen/Pencil (The weakest ink last longer than the strongest memory...I actually prefer a keyboard though--my thoughts come to fast and my handwriting is too illegable)

Pets! (I had kittens as young child. I want a baby pig!)

Philanthropist (Someone that cares! Besides me.)

Phoenix (Incredible...to overcome a setback is to rise like a phoenix...talk about resilent.)

Photograph (Captures memories)

Pillows (Comfort...)

& a maze is a type of puzzle. ;]
More than 10 but whatever.

I save an ant's life this morning [he was drowning].

Aw! Kevin & I hung out around Christmas & we took pictures. Here is one! :]!

The Lepo: ugh
The Lepo: I am so sick of not being able to explain this story
The Lepo: I've been spoiled by your understanding and logic, so I am not used to people being rash
Edina Endless: aw
Edina Endless: im sorry ? >D
The Lepo: XD

I basically finished my astrobiology essay.
At least it wasn't a humdrum day.
I had a bad dream.

Enough about me,
how are you?

Who is your favorite [super]hero?

I burned my tongue again--food sucks.

I got such a drastic haircut today and it made me bawl for over an hour but I'm better now I guess. I got like ten inches off.

My new slogan idea?

Don't be an ass, recycle your trash.

My tongue hurts from eating too much sour candy.
This has happened one too many times.

They should come with a warning label!